By Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D.

You and your partner have decided to live together. Whether you see it as an alternative to marriage or as a temporary arrangement, it’s important to understand your legal rights and responsibilities. You may see yourselves as being as committed to each other as a married couple but the law doesn’t necessarily view you that way. In most states you do not automatically have the right to help each other in medical emergencies, to benefit from each other’s retirement plans, or to inherit each other’s property. Property that the two of you buy while you are together isn’t necessarily divided equally if you decide to part. If a child is born to one of you, the other doesn’t automatically have parental rights.

It’s true that in some ways it is easier to walk away from an unmarried partnership than a married one but it’s also true that you don’t have the protections that are built into the divorce process. Some of these issues are changing as individual states and communities create laws governing domestic partnerships. But unless and until such laws become universal, it’s important for each couple to take care of themselves and each other by putting paperwork in place that will guarantee that other people will respect your wishes and intent when it comes to important decisions about you as a couple.

Ideally, the time to do these things is before you move in together. It’s easier to come to agreements when both people are motivated by the desire to set up a home. When people put it off until after they’ve already moved in together, they tend to keep telling themselves they’ll “get around to it.” Often they don’t. Challenging issues that could have been discussed rationally before moving in together instead may be avoided to keep the peace. Unfortunately, the couple may then “get around to it” when they are disappointed, angry, and about to break up.

The following self-test will help you clarify your relationship with each other. Talking about the topics raised by this little exercise can help a couple go into their future together more well-informed and more certain of their own and each other’s intentions.

Please note that this is not a scientific test but rather is my best understanding of the issues that affect the likely success of a cohabitation relationship.

Directions: You and your partner should first complete the checklist separately. Check the appropriate boxes, if any, for each item. You may check more than one box for an item. Some items won’t be relevant to your situation. For example, if neither of you is bringing children from a prior relationship with you, you can ignore #13 and #14. If you are past child-bearing age, or if you are absolutely (100%, not 99%) sure you don’t want children, then #15 – #19 don’t apply.

When you are finished, compare your results. Use the ...